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An ode to the other me

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An ode to the other me

It was December 18th 2017, the night sky was blue and clear. The stars shined particularly bright that night... suspiciously bright for a normal day.

I was sitting on my grandmother’s garden, my cousin next to me. Both looking at the stars, silently pondering about anything and everything. That heavenly silence was quickly disturbed by a sound, more specifically, a phone notification.

As soon as the familiar tone echoed through our ears, we looked at each other, inviting the other to look at their phone first. It was her who did. With a silent gasp, she quickly covered her mouth and her eyes filled with tears.

It was dead silent for a minute, a heartbreaking, heavy silence. Those you dread and hate because you know bad news are following.

She turned around, tears falling down her face like endless rivers, making me even more nervous than I already was, if it was possible. Turning her phone around, she showed me what made her react the way she did.

One of the things I feared the most in my life happened. You were gone, forever. It was not fake news, it was not a rumor, it was real, it was happening.

It got you, claimed over your life like a hungry predator claiming its prey. You had taken your life after a long, futile battle against this silent illness.

You had incessantly asked for help and battled fiercely against your own mind, but sadly it wasn’t enough because, as you said yourself, “he never imagine he would encounter such an atrocious depression”. Which, I guess, no one did.

The saddest part of this, is that I never really got to tell you what you meant to me, that I understood what you were going through, what you and your music had done for me.

There were many moments when I felt alone, sad, frustrated and hopeless, but in many of those times, there was you. Your thoughts flying through the air in the form of a song with a beautiful melody and such harmony... oh boy, if you knew what it made me feel.

I thought of us as a half of one person, platonic soulmates, because never in my life have I felt such strong connection to another soul like I felt with yours. Your thoughts, were my thoughts. Your struggles, were my struggles. Your laugh, was my laugh. You had a way of thinking much like mine, humor like mine, feelings like me. We were so alike yet so different, living completely opposite realties, yet still we were one.

I know I will never forget your teachings, what you made me feel and how you saved me. For that, I’m forever grateful and I hope that now you, as the brightest star in the skies and best kazoo player angel, look after me and help me like you’ve been helping me all along.

With love,

The other you.